These Words from A Parent Which Rescued Me when I became a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was simply just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the truth quickly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good spot. You require support. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now better used to addressing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a larger failure to talk amongst men, who still internalise harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to take a break - spending a couple of days overseas, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, tell a friend, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their pain, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."